Birthdays

Happy Birthdays to all the June babies! (Gloria, Jackie, Sarah)

It made me realized how old I am getting. We lived a quarter of a century, but I can't honestly tell you what I want to do. I used to think I was going to get a PharmD and an MPH so I can work for the FDA. Then I can use my public health background to strategically implement rules to improve healthcare delivery, more specifically in pharmaceuticals. I figure FDA will eventually start a new arm, but they never did. Now I am getting all these degrees, but I would have to try to improve the field through private industry. I want to work for the Department of Health, but what would that do? Here in Utah, they only have two pharmacists and I don't know what they do....

It is possible that I do a PhD in public health sicne I will be here for another 3 years, but would it be better if I get a MStat so I can do my own analysis better? With all this, I feel like I am losing touch with pharmacy, then in the end, I may never accomplish what I want bc I already lost my primary focus.. pharmacy. As you can see, I am a confused little girl. I guess for nwo, I will try to finish my degree and see who would offer me a job.

In the end, I may end up doing drug information or retail. Imagine, all these years of education down the drain. What a waste.

Weeekend

Interesting comment.. I have been working out a lot lately on DDR, tennis, and rollerblading just because the weather is so much nicer now. As per sex or no sex. Well, Clinton is coming out with his book regarding his relationship. While it seems like the general public is sexing away, what about the rest of us? Those of us that belives sex is sared. Well, as I see it, sex is like popcorn. Once you start having it, it's hard to stop even if it's not that great becasue you are addicted. Kinda like the korn of the popcorn... you have to spit it out, but you still have it bc you are addicted. I think that's just a waste to have sex with someone only bc your physical needs. However, I do understand why some people would do it, if they are able not to get attached and cute enough to always find a replacement when one model is breaking down. I don't think I fit in with either model so I would jsut suck it up and wait.

Then there is the other theory, what if you only do it with one person, but you will never know if there is anything better out there. As for that, have you ever heard of people hating sex? Also, there is probably a better one out there, just like everything else. If everyone is perfect, then there will be a new level of perfection. Also if they are perfect, why would they be with you if you are not perfect. I am by no means perfect so I can accept the fact my partner isn't perfect, sorry dude. Plus, if you think aobut it, there is always something better out there. Take for example a TV... I am sure not everyone of you have a flat screen, and if you do have a flat screen, I am sure not all of you have a plasma.... and if you have a plasma, there is a bigger one out there... and if you already have that then you should have a movie theater in your house and it goes on and on.

Don't get me wrong, I think sex is great, I just don't want the hassle now. The whole dependence, pregnancy, etc. I don't want my future baby to be an accident. How would she feel later on in life?

Hooray for the weekend...

Obviously from reading my journal you know I am not the best at keeping up with things. Well, my life is just a roller coaster. I got reviews back for this article I co-authored on, but the reviews were conflicting. Then today, I got the proof for the poster I presented at AMCP and it was the exact reprint of the poster. Now, my department thinks it would be double dipping if I publish at both places. While I can see their concern, but I feel the paper I submitted was a methodology piece while the article about my poster is what we found in the study. Anyhow, I am disappointed since I want publications. Now I have to decide on one or the other.

I decided today to be not as depressed. I think it's rediculous that I am sleeping so much when I can be much more productive doing something else. (I have been sleeping on average 10 hours a day! Sometimes I just lay in bed for no reason since I am wide awake) There are many theories to why this may be...... we can blame on the atmosphere since Utah has the highest anti-depressant use, we can blame on birth control since there is like a minimal chance of being depressed, we can blame on my boring job since I don't have my data, we can blame on me losing interest too easily.... but I guess after blaming everything, what can I do? I can't change them now. So I figure I should just try to find more friends. The question is where?

My first inclinition is going to a coffee shop. People are always so quiet there and you can just start talking and see who respond. I can go to a bookstore and pick up a controversial book. People tend to like make a comment or two about it. I can sit on the train all day until I find someone interesting. Or I could just go to a park and start kicking people around, but that may get me beat up. Any ideas?

My exciting career day

Well, today has been a very exciting day for me. I found out last night that my article is actually in print for people to read and my thesis got IRB approval. Then this morning I found out my abstract is accepted at the AMCP meeting in the fall. Granted I don't know what I want out of my career, at least whatever I am doing, people like it. :) The bad part is that I will have to actually do a poster now and that is usually a pain in the butt.
This weekend is my weekend away with my boy. We have been overwhelmed with work for so long that I think it will do us a lot of good to do this. I may have to put work in overdrive this weekend, but I guess it will be worth it.

Blah blah

Well, the general consensus is that I am crazy. Apparently there would be no one that would want a relationship far apart. My roomie would never do it so he says. At least not for that long. Waahhhh... I guess I want both ways. If I have Hermonie's time transport thing like in Harry Potter, then I would be all set. I can do both, but it's only a fictional character. Oh yeah, that movie is really good. I highly recommended to anyone that reads this.

Me

Hi all,

This is a new thing I am trying. Partly because I never keep in touch with you all, partly because I need advice. It's a fast way to get to everyone.

First, I want to say I had a blast in NJ. It was great to see people I know, hang out, drink untempered alcoholic drinks, and more.

I don't resent the life I have in UT. It is good, I have an overall entertaining job/school, a doting boyfriend, a cool roomie, a couple of friends/coworkers, and I am starting an Asian posse. I get to ski in the winter as much as I want and rollerblade in the summer. I must say it is the "simple" life I wanted when I first intended to move away from NJ.

Well, as you all pretty much know, I am pretty serious about my bf and I want to be with him and all that jazz. If we stay together I waould have to stay in SLC for another 3 years after I am done with my fellowship. Three years is no small feat. I guess for the first time in my life I cannot plan my life without thinking about someone else.

As you all know, I am a big planner. I plan what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. I know life is a journey, but for me, a journey is only fun if there is a destination with means of achieving that. I know what I want in a career, personal life, cars, and all other aspects of life. I even plan when I want to meet friends. As if they are pawns in chess. I don't think I ever have a doubt in what I want.

True, part of me always want to be an artchitect or an interior designer of some sort. At the same time, I always knew I would be able to do that once I am finished with setting up my career and can do that on the side.

When I was in NJ, I started to doubt my decisions. I wonder if I made the right choice in coming to UT. Would my life be better if I had just worked as a drug info specialist at Merck, worked at Rite Aid, or if I had any other jobs. Would I be happier if I had bought the townhouse in Edgewater, paying mortage and driving my Camry. I also wonder if it is worth it for me to stay in UT. I feel guilty for thinking that I am making a sacrifice to stay here for three years. I don't want to feel resentment later if I am not happy with my job.

I know people say that if I didn't come here, I wouldn't have met my bf. On the other hand, I missed out in meeting other people in NJ, which potentially could have been the one. (I don't believe there is only one match for a person, if that is the case, how do you explain most people marry within their geographic area?) I missed out on people's birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc because I was here.

I guess part of me is bitter because I didn't plan to meet someone here that wouldn't move back with me. I always figure if I met someone here, he will go with me to the east coast. Who would have thought I would date someone with a tied down job and a career already?

Anyhow, any comments? What do you think? Am I crazy?