Me

Hi all,

This is a new thing I am trying. Partly because I never keep in touch with you all, partly because I need advice. It's a fast way to get to everyone.

First, I want to say I had a blast in NJ. It was great to see people I know, hang out, drink untempered alcoholic drinks, and more.

I don't resent the life I have in UT. It is good, I have an overall entertaining job/school, a doting boyfriend, a cool roomie, a couple of friends/coworkers, and I am starting an Asian posse. I get to ski in the winter as much as I want and rollerblade in the summer. I must say it is the "simple" life I wanted when I first intended to move away from NJ.

Well, as you all pretty much know, I am pretty serious about my bf and I want to be with him and all that jazz. If we stay together I waould have to stay in SLC for another 3 years after I am done with my fellowship. Three years is no small feat. I guess for the first time in my life I cannot plan my life without thinking about someone else.

As you all know, I am a big planner. I plan what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. I know life is a journey, but for me, a journey is only fun if there is a destination with means of achieving that. I know what I want in a career, personal life, cars, and all other aspects of life. I even plan when I want to meet friends. As if they are pawns in chess. I don't think I ever have a doubt in what I want.

True, part of me always want to be an artchitect or an interior designer of some sort. At the same time, I always knew I would be able to do that once I am finished with setting up my career and can do that on the side.

When I was in NJ, I started to doubt my decisions. I wonder if I made the right choice in coming to UT. Would my life be better if I had just worked as a drug info specialist at Merck, worked at Rite Aid, or if I had any other jobs. Would I be happier if I had bought the townhouse in Edgewater, paying mortage and driving my Camry. I also wonder if it is worth it for me to stay in UT. I feel guilty for thinking that I am making a sacrifice to stay here for three years. I don't want to feel resentment later if I am not happy with my job.

I know people say that if I didn't come here, I wouldn't have met my bf. On the other hand, I missed out in meeting other people in NJ, which potentially could have been the one. (I don't believe there is only one match for a person, if that is the case, how do you explain most people marry within their geographic area?) I missed out on people's birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc because I was here.

I guess part of me is bitter because I didn't plan to meet someone here that wouldn't move back with me. I always figure if I met someone here, he will go with me to the east coast. Who would have thought I would date someone with a tied down job and a career already?

Anyhow, any comments? What do you think? Am I crazy?